I am starting a new series on I Just Might Explode called Lady Business inspired by my desire to start talking about feminism on this here bloggy blog. I’m not sure if it’s going to end up being a series of essays or just links or badass feminist profiles, but we’ll see.
I think the first time I really encountered the idea of feminism was in a zine by my cool friend Rhi. I was 16 and never labeled myself as such(or honestly thought about it). But I did know that I was frustrated. With purity talks at church always aimed at the girls and their tank tops, with “submission” in marriage, with friends(and mine!) obsession/reliance on what boys thought of us, with the objectification of women, and with unrealistic, absurd beauty ideals proliferated by the media.
I found out that feminism isn’t and hasn’t ever been about hating men (and the people who do are sexist themselves) and that the phrase “feminazi” is yet another ridiculous, pot of crap popularized by Rush Limbaugh.
Feminism is about equality. I’m willing to bet that if you’re not a terrible, sexist human being, you are a feminist.
I think I call myself a feminist so confidently because it’s a way to hold myself accountable to my morals. It’s a way to remind myself, are my actions in accordance with the set of beliefs I have?
It’s because of calling myself a feminist that I try to never call another woman a slut or whore(and to speak up when others do so), it helps me to fight back against rape culture(blame the rapist, not the victim), it reminds me to not pass judgement on a woman who is making a choice for herself that SHE wants, to encourage boys and girls to express themselves outside of the gender norms and roles, and much, much more.
And then on a much more personal level to understand myself to know what is best for me, to defend who I am as a woman to others, to defend myself against myself without comparing or beating down my intelligence, personality, body, beauty, and to know and respect my body in a way that I feel comfortable(from how I dress to the choices I make in relationships).
I am an evolving woman and feminist and often feel overwhelmed by the ingrained sexism within me. I am not perfect and have said and thought my own share of sexist things. I still have questions, like I am a straight, white, wealthy(in the context of the majority of the world), how do I see beyond my inevitable privilege? How does this pan out in real life relationships/partnerships? Do I make the choices about what I look like because I want it or because I’m trying to live up to someone else’s standard? How can I empower myself and other women? As a Christian, how do I deal with the un-Christlike sexism in the Bible, church history, and the church’s modern-day culture? What does this mean for me and the choices I will eventually make? What is the best choice for me?
I love to see men and women step up and call themselves feminists. I’ve gotten into several discussions with women my age about feminism and their often puzzling refusal to call themselves one. Yes, it is just a label. One with many different definitions(one of those definitions is certainly not man-hating) and you can have those morals without calling yourself one, but it is also a label/movement/issue that we as a society need to talk about. Don’t run from it. Yes, it is just a label. But, misogyny exists. The more people we have talking about and engaging in feminism the better.
I am no feminism academic and probably don’t know what the hell I’m talking about most of the time, but it tends to show up in the things I read, talk about, listen to, and seek. Feminism is important.
So those there are my thoughts. What are yours?
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
I just discovered this blog. This article made me decide I’ll definitely be following it. I’m a Christian and a feminist, too. When I hear women say things like, “I’m not a feminist, I love being a mom,” or, “I’m not a feminist, I don’t think I’m better than my husband,” or, “I’m not a feminist, I like wearing makeup and girly stuff,” I try to explain to them that none of those things are in conflict with mainstream feminism. That feminism is about social, economic, and political equality for *both* genders, not about turning women into men or putting women above men.
Keep up the good work!
Kara, I agree with your post, and I want you to know that, while often not talked about, there are powerful, influential women in the Bible who are exceedingly faithful, sometimes even moreso than the men. In my small group, we are reading Lineage of Grace by Francine Rivers. It’s about five women who changed the course of humanity and eternity… they are the maternal ancestors of Jesus. Francine Rivers takes the Biblical stories and fills in a few logical details, making the each novella about the five women a page-turner… but it’s also focused on what the Bible says and a woman’s role and influence. Just thought you might enjoy!
I am disgustingly proud of the fact it was my zine that introduced you to the idea of feminism.
Let’s talk riot grrrls and biblical interpretations posing as fact and possible feminist collaborations soon :)
XO
Excellent post! I love how well youve put it, Im a feminist struggling to find a succinct way of explaining why I am one to some people.
Hooray! Love it.
Kara,
It’s so refreshing to see you being true to yourself and maintaining a space here that reflects what is important to you. I think it sets a beautiful example not to mention that it sends a beautiful message.
I find myself trying to live a more mindful, humane life (Quantum Wellness by Kathy Freston is a great read about that, by the way!), and, as a woman of color, it makes my heart so happy to see you being forthright about privilege and the importance of speaking up and being an advocate (even when the target of the conversation is not present). I was in a class recently (taught by a Caucasian, gay-identified woman) that discussed privilege and how people who can “pass” as white (but may identify as Italian, Spanish, Russian, etc), “pass” as heterosexual (even if they identify as homosexual), or aren’t even aware of (or refuse to see) the privilege they inherently hold simply because of their skin color. When Caucasian people in the class said how helpless/guilty/angry they felt about the fact that they couldn’t help being born Caucasian and asked what they could do, the teacher said to do exactly what you are talking about – being an advocate for change and not taking advantage of the privilege that you hold.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep it up, girl.
Lindsay, thank you SO much for commenting. (And thank you for mention the Kathy Freston book, I’m putting it on my to-read list!).
I’ve grown up in a very white-washed, middle class community so recognizing my privilege doesn’t come…. naturally? If you have any insight, I’d love to email back and forth!
<33
Yay!! :) This is gonna be such an awesome series! I definitely feel like more people need to be educated on what feminism actually *is*, and just how male-oriented many people & societies still are, today. Having just gone through Art History, studying the oppression of women from the dawn of time, in *every* aspect, my eyes are open wider than ever – it makes me sick! I’m proud to call myself a feminist…I’m happy you are, too. :)
Saying anything about your post or beliefs on these issues would be wrong of me and unhelpful for you, but it grieves me to read. I have felt compelled to say one thing though, and that is that I urge you to very, very carefully consider that when you try to change ‘Christianity’ or ‘the Bible’ to fit your understanding of what should be right, it is not a true reflection of them and is misleading. You and I are free to have our diverse, differing beliefs, but if I want to contradict Christianity in my worldview and belief system, I cannot identify myself (or those principles in particular) with Christianity in good conscience.
I am NOT writing this to criticize Kara’s beliefs or Kara’s worldview – but for myself I cannot put Cait’s belief system under a Biblical heading unless it is fully submitted to it. God is too great to put His name on my personal opinion.
I have always wanted to talk more with you, though I’m afraid of our worldviews being so different as to make it fruitless and frustrating. I’m open to that though! Thank you for being open and honest on your blog.
Cait. We’ve talked before about this subject and I honestly thinking engaging in a debate like this will be completely fruitless…
“I urge you to very, very carefully consider that when you try to change ‘Christianity’ or ‘the Bible’ to fit your understanding of what should be right, it is not a true reflection of them and is misleading.”
But I think *you* have tried to change the Bible or Christianity into what you think is right… We could argue it until we’re blue in the face and it will come down to the fact you read the Bible literally and I read it as a book written to a certain demographic/culture/group of people in a world that is completely different from the world we live in today and that it needs to be “interpreted” with that in mind. I am not changing Christianity to fit my worldview anymore that you have used it justify yours.
And if I’m “held accountable” one day in heaven because I could not take the hateful and diminishing comments littered through the Bible made by man and not by God, with the forgiving conscience that Christ instilled in my life, then so be it. I am going to keep on empowering women (and other groups evangelical Christians like to control and hate, like gay people!) and proudly calling myself a Christian.
such a terrific post kara!! i enjoyed it and look forward to more. <3
Love this post! and can’t wait to see more in the series! I agree with everything you say, i think the word feminism unfortunately has some radical connections for many people, i wish there was a new term “equalism” or something, as I agree with you, that’s what real feminism is, not wanting to be treated differently or make men the submissive ones, but to be treated equally and appreciated for our skills and talents, which are sometimes different to men, and sometimes the same, but no less valuable either way. Thanks so much for a really thought provoking and well written piece. Jules x
This is a great read, and I can totally relate………I grew up in church but my parents raised us kids to be true to ourselves. There was a lot of confusion growing up to say the least…….but I can honestly say that I am proud of the adult I became and would raise my kids the same way :)
Great post. it’s a shame that there is such a stigma attached to feminism. It should be something to be proud of, not something to be ashamed of. I think one of the problems is that some people view it as attached to some sort of radical politics, but it doesn’t have to be like that. What irks me the most is the way in which sexism is engrained in society, it permeates everything and people don’t even notice making sexist remarks. Things like “watch out driver! Oh of course, it had to be a woman” make me supermad and yet they are so extended.
Hi Kara,
I think this post is fantastic, so many young women are afraid to say they are feminists these days because of the backlash in our culture against the term, with people associating it (as you say!) with man-hating or a world view which privileges women over men, rather than for what it is. I went through a phase of feeling awkward about it myself, and feeling guilty for that because I enjoy a lot of things that women (feminists!) had to fight for – my university education, having the right to vote, having equality in my marriage. Thanks so much for this heartfelt, thoughtful post. Sarah x
Kara this will come as no surprise to you but I am a feminist as well. I am raising two boys and one of the things that horrifies me is when I hear other moms with boys, trash the teenage girls in their sons grade. I cringe. I also speak up. We don’t use the word slut, whore, etc. We talk about mutual respect and vulnerability. as in, “Jameson, do you think you should have sex with a young woman who cares about you more than you care about her, even if she wants to have sex?” I love my boys, respect my husband and adored my “feminist” father. He raised me to be proud of who I am, not what I look like. Of course I have struggled and still do with expectations I put on myself. It is a forever and ongoing process. My son’s have lived in a home where their father was the main provider, and I stayed at home for many years and took care of our home and them. Now years later, it is too difficult for Bill to find enough work to provide and me stay home, so we have switched roles. It’s been hard, but we have adjusted. We are both capable of many things and my son’s have been blessed to see that. I am so glad that I no longer feel any conflict between what the “Church” says, and expects and what I know in my heart. Me and the big guy are alright, despite their dire warnings.
love you Kara, look forward to reading more of your thoughts.
I love you, Denise. I think you are raising wonderful sons. I want a long talk in your backyard with you….
This is really cool, and I look forward to more posts on this topic. I am a high school English teacher, and this semester I did a lesson with my freshmen on feminism. I used art to talk about some of our cultural stereotypes about women. I think it’s a really common misconception that feminists hate men. So totally not true. Excited to see what else you have to say on this topic.
Right on, Kara! I never thought of calling myself a feminist until this year because I am taking a Women Studies course, and it def. has broaden my views a lot more. I completely agree that we shouldn’t run away from talking about feminism. We need to educate ourselves more about the history behind it, and how much has changed for us women today!
I love this! I am proud to call myself a feminist, even if the people in this small town don’t quite understand.
By the way, you rule.
Love this post so much. When I was in high school (and even a bit afterward), I was hesitant to call myself a feminist– mostly because I thought it meant prioritizing caring about gender equality over, say, caring about racial equality. Which is really silly, now that I think about it.
It took me until midway through college to start reading more and learning about feminist theory and history, but I’m okay with that. I think feminism (like most things that impact how you see the world) should be a process. If we weren’t constantly learning, how boring would life be?
“I think feminism (like most things that impact how you see the world) should be a process. If we weren’t constantly learning, how boring would life be?”
LOVE THAT.
I love this! I’m so glad that you explained what it means to be a feminist, not what pop culture has turned it into be. I am excited to keep reading what you have to say in the rest of the series!
Yes.
I’m a bit younger than you, and the majority of my classmates call people sluts so often that I guess my mind just registered it as normal. But in the same way that I don’t hold with calling people retards as an insult, I’m not happy with my friends calling people sluts anymore. And in Biology today, in ‘aspects of health’, which is basically sex ed, our teacher was talking to us about contraception. One example was a fourteen year old girl who was having sex, once with a nineteen year old in the back of his truck. Which of course provoked screams of disgust and “what a slut!”. Some people said she shouldn’t be having sex, others said she would end up being a prosititute. And I wasn’t brave enough, but if I had been, I would have said “the issue is not that she might be a prostitute, if she chooses that and is in a safe environment and if she is comfortable with her choice. The issue is that you all find it disgusting that she has sex, and that you’d probably all alienate her, and this hypothetical girl would have no possible way of protecting herself when she did have sex. That you all think it’s disgusting that she is having sex, not that a nineteen year old is ‘consorting’ with someone who is still, legally, a child. That you’ve got these crazy double standards, and that you’re so happy to say “slut”"
And that kind of made no sense and I’m forgetting what my point was… But, basically, yeah.
I agree.
Ah, Libby. I’ve had countless situations in a school setting where I didn’t speak up… Sometimes it takes awhile to get your bravery or time to rethink through the situations to exactly pinpoint your anger… It says a lot that you even THOUGHT that. Go you!!
I love this post! I consider myself a feminist and have in actions a feminist mom but she refuses, and I mean vehemently, to use that label. She hates it. To her feminism is all the bad things of this generation. She thinks feminists don’t want the door held for them, or that they ruin everything by sleeping around and making everything so easy for males.
I think she only sees the bad side.
Feminism to me is about balance. I’m not looking to make it easier on women to be firefighters. If you can’t pull someone out of a burning building, you just can’t. Man or woman. But if you can and you are still having trouble getting in because of being born female, then we have some issues.
I still want a man to call me, pay for me, and open my door like a gentleman. The money issues is something that I battle a lot at this age because very few of us are making enough money to really take someone out. But I’ve tried the other way, of making the first move, or paying my half… or even more, and it doesn’t work out.
Feminism, to me, is about it being okay to be a strong woman. It’s about knowing who I am, girly, sporty, or otherwise and letting myself express it. It’s about being a great housewife if I WANT to be or a great CEO or a mix of the two. It’s about being heard and accepted and not being told that maybe my choices are being affected by my hormones.
Great post.
I want to hug you for this. YES YES YES. This was really well-written, Kara.
I’ve always been especially frustrated with the whole “submission” topic in church – it’s something that really, REALLY bothers me, and I always felt like other churchgoers just never understood my opinions. Some even tried to make me feel bad for challenging that whole idea. I also went to a Christian high school and you couldn’t say, do, or wear certain things – and the worst part, was that these rules were mostly directed towards girls. Boys could get away with so much more. It was bogus and lame. I overheard a radio show on a Christian station earlier this year where a pastor and his wife said that a women’s place will always be in the kitchen, and that even if she wanted to have a career, “she should still have dinner on the table and a clean house at end of the day for her husband.” Disgusting. Every week they’d say the most sexist, horrible things. I was so livid that I wrote letters/sent emails/called the radio station, and had all of my friends and their friends and their friends do the same. Our voice was heard – their radio show was cancelled last month!
All of that to say, I’m really stoked for this blog series! :) xo!
I agree with every word you just said. I think I love you.
proud feminist (blogger) here. *fistbumps all around*
Love this! I, as well, consider myself a feminist for almost the exact same reasons. have you read dianna anderson’s blog? (http://diannaeanderson.net/) It talks a lot about reconciling feminism and Christianity and the “purity” culture. Looking forward to this series!
I love this. looking forward to whatever else you post in this series!
rock on! for being brave, & being real, & most of all being true to yourself. when i was younger, i want to say in jr.high i was proud to call myself a feminist. i’m pretty sure i was that way through high school & college too. my past & younger self would probably be ashamed that i don’t bold & blatantly shout it out, as i used to. truthfully i’ve become cautious & protective about sharing certain elements of myself, in many facets of my life. for in this culture of instant media, i’ve seen things get twisted & used as weapons by others. i don’t want to make myself a target.
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